So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
