I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I have tasted many bathrooms
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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