We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
