i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Randomize
