I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
