I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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