I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
