if i can run in heels then i can drive
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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