Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
