I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
