I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
