it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
