Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
