is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
