just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
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