Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
