fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
