Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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