Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Randomize
