Non-Jews are for practice
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
