I'm laying in your front yard are you home
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
