we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize