i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
