They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
