We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
you had me at cake vodka
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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