Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
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