Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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