oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
