I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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