Pappa wants mamma naked
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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