I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
