I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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