How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
