my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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