I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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