wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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