hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
