Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
