like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
