the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
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