She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I just found puke in my bra..
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
