We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
