It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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