me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
