It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
