Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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