i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
