That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
