dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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