I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
