ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
