I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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