Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Randomize
