i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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