Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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