Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
