Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
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