yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
