my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
