Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize