somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
