If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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