You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize