I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
