I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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