my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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