if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I did not marry a roomba.
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