woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
