Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
