I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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