I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
