i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
