we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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