I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
