I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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