i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
