I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
