I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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