so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
