He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
