no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
