Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
