Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
