Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize