Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
nutella sex= disaster
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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