I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
