I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
