Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
