like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
