For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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