God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
