"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I FOUND THE LEGS
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize