we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
