If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
