Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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