you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
