I was born with a shot glass in my hand
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize