; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
