I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
