I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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