Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
