Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
